Waking from a dream within a dream...
Dream Loops & Fever Sleep
Eternal Dream Loop/Inhale
I hit the Trifecta of illness: The Flu, Food Poisoning, and Vertigo.
Late in the afternoon, I went in for my annual bloodwork, a basic line, tossing the hook into the pond to see if the doctor could catch something swimming in the red stream. I told the doctor that I was coming down with the flu and should I return for my bloodwork. He said, No. It's just a basic line. Catch and release, as they say in medical school.
He wrapped a rubber hose around my upper arm after I had rested my forearm on the mat with the elbow bent, so he could easily find a vein. He told me to make a fist. I did. He patted my arm till he found a plump stream to dive into. He told me to take a deep breath. Before I did, I asked him to tell me when he would insert the needle. He agreed. I took a deep breath, and he poke the hypo into my vein. Dammit. My breath locked between in and out. I tensed. The injection hurt like hell. I told the doctor that I needed to catch my breath and relax. He said, Loosen your fist. The blood didn't flow.
So he wiggled the needle to increase the flow of blood. An electric shock shot up my arm from the site of the injection to my shoulder. I need to relax, I told him. He wiggled the needle again. Pure agony, and all my nerves were in on it. I forced myself to relax, to make the blood flow. He filled one vial, and inserted the next. It's slow, he said.
I knew it as soon as he said it. He wiggled the needle again. I groaned, about to push him away and pull out the needle, but it was over. A ball of cotton on the bloody site and a big band-aid.
I knew that I should have postponed the bloodwork till after I had gotten over my flu. This was a first--that wiggling of the needle to speed things along. He thought he was doing me a favor, speeding things up.
And that's how the day started.
The evening was even worse.
I ate the bad mushrooms at 9 p.m. I went to bed about 2 a.m.
When I closed my eyes, I was driving. I wasn't asleep, but everything seemed normal. Then I opened my eyes and I was in bed. I assumed I was dreaming. I closed my eyes and I was back in the car driving. I decided to go to the beach. It was hot in the car. The heater was broken. The windows wouldn't roll down. I began to sweat profusely from head to toe. I opened my eyes. I checked the time. It was 3 a.m. I was still in the car. I was still in bed. I checked the cell phone clock. It was 3 a.m, same as the car clock. This was not the flu. It was the mushrooms. They were bad.
I was in a fever dream loop.
Dream loops and fever sleep combined. Otherwise known as Nightmare Eternity or Voodoo Slumber. Basically, a fever causes hallucinations while you're awake in bed. Add to that REM dream when you fall asleep. You have normal nightmares and waking hallucinations happening simultaneously. You are awake while you dream and asleep while you hallucinate. You're in a bubble of a new reality, with swatches of your five senses picking up your environment while your dreams try to work around these illusions.
If I wanted to break the loop, I needed to throw up the bad food.
I stood up awkwardly; it triggered the vertigo. The room spun. The real room. My bedroom. The car was gone. I rushed to the toilet. My body wanted the bad food out.
I stepped wrong and my back went out. Throwing up was more important than dealing with the agony in my lower back. Spinning room and painful back, I dragged myself to the toilet.
The vomit confirmed I was poisoned by the bad mushrooms. I expelled every bit of the badness. I cleaned up and returned to bed.
I rested on my right side, and the room spun out of control. I turned on my left side. The spinning stopped. The sweating was gone. The queasiness under control. I closed my eyes without anxiety.
I was back in the car. I was at the beach. It was very chilly. It was a starless night. There was a snack shack by the lifeguard station. It was covered with owls. No. Seagulls, I reasoned. Owls don't squawk. Wait. Seagulls caw. I should go home. It is cold. I am in bed. I grab the extra blanket from the foot of the bed and toss it over myself. I open my eyes. I am at the beach. But the sounds of parrots squawking filter into my dream from outside my bedroom window. I close my eyes and gauge where I am. I'm in bed. Two blankets now. I open my eyes. I am in the car. No. I close my eyes. It goes like this all night till noon when I wake up for real.
I was caught in a fever dream loop, half hallucination, half dream.
Sadly, I get up and grab a cup of coffee. I should sleep, but sleep now scares me. I should hydrate, I say to myself over and over with each cup of coffee.
The day passes slowly. I am sleepy and wired with caffeine. I dread the coming night, so early it comes in October. The feral parrots are squawking in the back yard again. Tonight, they'll be seagulls and owls again.
I pour another cup of coffee.
